"I think everybody's nuts" - Johnny Depp

Whew.
The past few days have been utterly hellish.

105 to 99 and not even the hint of a breeze.
At home, even though we are up in the woods,
it has been miserable and hard to sleep at night.
And in town, especially up in the Inferno, it has been brutal.
Mercifully, today promises to be much cooler, which should
help prevent the meltdown that had been threatening our
fragile peace there at The In.
Speaking of threats to the peace, we had an uncomfortable
experience over the weekend at my workplace.
A friend of the tweaker-neighbors
came over to our house and tried to make trouble.
There is an outdoor area that connects our place
to the one next door, but the boundaries are well known
and have always been respected.
So when this big guy showed up in our area, drunk and high,
we were all a little on edge -but we were trying to enjoy
the tepid night air and did not want to be driven back
into the soul sucking heat of our building.
Long story short - the guy was agitated and became more so,
making derogatory and threatening statements
and trying to physically intimidate me and the other women.
He kept getting up close to my face and saying things like, "Oh yes,
I'm just so sure this is a clean and sober living facility...why?
Why are you like this, I just want to know. I mean, that makes you like,
like fucking vegetarians... or fucking Mormons or something."

After asking him 8 or 10 times to please leave, I got annoyed and called 911.
When two officers arrived, the guy became ridiculously angry.
He started mocking the cops and arguing with them
every bit as stupidly as he'd been arguing with me earlier.
At one point, when one of the cops told him he could be arrested for criminal trespass,
he said, "That's ING man: tres- pass-ING. Watch your tense, man."

After putting up with a full load of his shite, the officers escorted him away,
and we were all relieved to have him gone.
His absence however, was brief - in under 5 minutes he was back - this time
coming through our front door, up our stairs and into our kitchen area.
He sort of chuckled and was in the process of saying, "Ooops, wrong house..."
when the cops (he thought he'd ditched) slapped some handcuffs on him.
If he shows up again, maybe I'll lock him in my office - five minutes in that
sweatbox and he'll be a stain on the floor.

In other news,
the girlfriend from hell wants to have my brothers' baby.
Only problem: she's barren.
But don't despair my friends, Maylene has it all figured out.
She's going to have some of her DNA harvested and then transferred into a
donor egg, which will be fertilized and implanted in a surrogate womb.
I know,
I can feel you -
and believe me when I say that I am thinking the very same thing...

I swear, I don't know when I climbed aboard the AssHat Express,
but I want to get off.
Now.